The
death of a cherished pet creates a sense of loss for adults and
produces a predictable chain of emotions. The stages of grief are
typically denial, sadness, depression, guilt, anger, and, finally,
relief (or recovery). However, the effects on children vary widely
depending upon the child's age and maturity level. The basis for
their reaction is their ability to understand death.
Two
and Three Year Olds Children
who are two or three years old typically have no understanding of
death. They often consider it a form of sleep. They should be told
that their pet has died and will not return. Common reactions to
this include temporary loss of speech and generalized distress.
The two or three year old should be reassured that the pet's failure
to return is unrelated to anything the child may have said or done.
Typically, a child in this age range will readily accept another
pet in place of the dead one.
Four,
Five, and Six Year Olds Children
in this age range have some understanding of death but in a way
that relates to a continued existence. The pet may be considered
to be living underground while continuing to eat, breathe, and play.
Alternatively, it may be considered asleep. A return to life may
be expected if the child views death as temporary. These children
often feel that any anger they had for the pet may be responsible
for its death. This view should be refuted because they may also
translate this belief to the death of family members in the past.
Some children also see death as contagious and begin to fear that
their own death (or that of others) is imminent. They should be
reassured that their death is not likely. Manifestations of grief
often take the form of disturbances in bladder and bowel control,
eating, and sleeping. This is best managed by parent-child discussions
that allow the child to express feelings and concerns. Several brief
discussions are generally more productive than one or two prolonged
sessions.
Seven,
Eight, and Nine Year Olds The
irreversibility of death becomes real to these children. They usually
do not personalize death, thinking it cannot happen to themselves.
However, some children may develop concerns about death of their
parents. They may become very curious about death and its implications.
Parents should be ready to respond frankly and honestly to questions
that may arise. Several manifestations of grief may occur in these
children, including the development of school problems, learning
problems, antisocial behavior, hypochondriacal concerns, or aggression.
Additionally, withdrawal, over attentiveness, or clinging behavior
may be seen. Based on grief reactions to loss of parents or siblings,
it is likely that the symptoms may not occur immediately but several
weeks or months later.
Ten
and Eleven Year Olds Children
in this age range generally understand death as natural, inevitable,
and universal. Consequently, these children often react to death
in a manner very similar to adults.
Adolescents Although
this age group also reacts similarly to adults, many adolescents
may exhibit various forms of denial. This usually takes the form
of a lack of emotional display. Consequently, these young people
may be experiencing sincere grief without any outward manifestations.
